The holidays have a way of making an empty chair feel even emptier.
The lights go up, the familiar songs start playing, and suddenly you're reaching for the phone to call someone who isn't there to answer. If you're missing someone this season, please know you're not alone, and there's nothing wrong with you for feeling it all at once: the joy and the ache, sometimes in the very same moment.
Long before I knew what a Celebrant was, I found comfort in creating small ceremonies for my own family. Lighting a candle. Saying a name out loud. Telling the story one more time. What I learned then, and what I see in my work now, is that remembering doesn't have to be heavy. Done with intention, it can be one of the most loving things we do together.
Here are some gentle, meaningful ways to keep someone you love present this holiday season, whether you're gathering around a dinner table, planning a holiday wedding, or simply carving out a quiet moment for yourself.
Why the holidays feel different when you're grieving
Holidays are built on tradition, and traditions are built on people. The person who always carved the turkey, hung the star, or burned the latkes (every single year) is woven into the season itself. When they're gone, every ritual can feel like it has a missing piece.
Grief doesn't follow a calendar, either. Whether your loss was last month or twenty years ago, the holidays can bring it right back to the surface. That's not a setback. It's love, still looking for somewhere to go.
Giving that love a place to land is exactly what a remembrance ritual does.
Meaningful ways to remember a loved one at holiday gatherings
You don't need anything elaborate. The most powerful remembrance moments are often the simplest, and the ones that feel the most like them.
Light a remembrance candle
A single candle on the table, lit at the start of the meal, is one of the oldest and most universal ways to say "you're still with us." Invite someone to say a few words as it's lit, or simply say their name. Let it burn through dinner.
Set a place or save a seat
Some families set a place at the table, with a favorite mug, a photo, or a single flower on the plate. Others prefer something softer, like a framed photo on the mantel with a sprig of evergreen. There's no wrong choice. Go with what feels comforting to your family, not what feels expected.
Cook their recipe
Make Grandma's stuffing, Dad's chili, or that slightly questionable gelatin salad nobody else would dare bring. Food carries memory like nothing else. Put a little card next to the dish with their name on it, and watch the stories start.
Hang a memory ornament
An ornament made from a piece of their clothing, a photo charm, or something they collected gives them a spot on the tree year after year. Some families add a new memory ornament each season, so the tree slowly becomes a living tribute.
Share stories on purpose
Instead of tiptoeing around their name, invite it in. Pass around a basket of slips of paper before dessert and ask everyone to write down a favorite memory. Read them aloud, or tuck them away to read privately later. Kids especially love this, and it gives the younger ones a chance to know someone they may barely remember.
Raise a toast
A short toast before the meal ("To Uncle Ray, who would have told us all this turkey was dry") can open the door to laughter and tears in the best possible way. Humor is welcome here. Often it's exactly what they would have wanted.
Give in their name
Donate to a cause they cared about, volunteer somewhere that meant something to them, or do a random act of kindness in their honor. It's a beautiful way to let their love keep moving out into the world.
Write them a letter
If a gathering feels like too much this year, a private letter can be just as meaningful. Tell them what's happened since they've been gone, what you miss, what you're grateful for. Keep it, burn it safely in a fireplace, or tuck it into a holiday card that never gets mailed.
Honoring a loved one at a holiday wedding or elopement
Winter weddings and holiday elopements are some of my favorites. There's something about twinkle lights and cozy layers that makes a ceremony feel extra warm. They can also be bittersweet when someone you love can't be there to see it.
If that's you, here are a few ways we can make room for them in your ceremony, without letting the day become sad.
A memorial moment in the ceremony. I can include a brief, gentle acknowledgment near the beginning, naming the people who are with you in spirit. It takes less than a minute and often means the world to your guests too.
A remembrance candle or reserved seat. A lit candle near the altar, or a chair in the front row with a photo, a flower, or their favorite hat, keeps them visibly part of the day.
Something they wore or loved. A locket on your bouquet, a cufflink, a piece of fabric from their shirt wrapped around the stems, or their handkerchief tucked into a pocket.
A handfasting cord with meaning. If you're including a handfasting ritual, we can weave in a ribbon or cord in their favorite color, or one made from something that belonged to them.
Their words in your vows. A piece of advice they gave you about love, or a phrase they always said, can be beautiful in your vows. (If you're stuck, my guide on how to write wedding vows that sound like you can help.)
Their song. Walk down the aisle, or out of it, to a song that reminds you of them.
Every couple feels differently about this, and that's okay. Some want a full tribute. Some want one quiet, private gesture that only the two of them will notice. When we plan your ceremony together, we'll find the balance that feels right for you.
A simple remembrance ritual you can do at home
If you'd like a little structure, here's a short ritual any family can do in about ten minutes. Adapt it however you like.
Gather. Bring everyone together before the meal or after dessert. Dim the lights if you can.
Light. Light one candle for the person (or people) you're remembering. Say their name out loud.
Share. Invite anyone who wants to share a memory, a favorite saying, or simply one word that describes them. Silence is okay too.
Honor. Do one small thing together in their name: a toast, a song they loved, a moment of quiet, or placing a written memory in a jar.
Return. Thank everyone, and let the candle keep burning as you go back to the celebration. They don't have to be the center of the evening to be part of it.
Be gentle with yourself this season
There is no right way to grieve during the holidays. Some years you'll want every tradition, exactly as it always was. Other years you'll want to skip the whole thing and order takeout. Both are completely valid.
It's okay to change traditions. It's okay to laugh. It's okay to step outside for a few minutes when it all feels like too much. And it's okay to ask for help, whether that's from family, friends, a grief support group, or a counselor.
What matters most isn't getting the ritual perfect. It's that the love you carry has somewhere to go.
When a Celebrant can help
As a Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant, my work isn't only about weddings. I'm trained to create ceremonies for all of life's big moments, including the ones that are hard. If your family would like a more structured remembrance this season, I'm happy to help you shape a personal ceremony for a holiday wedding, a family gathering, or a celebration of life that truly sounds like the person you love.
You can reach out here anytime. There's no pressure, just a conversation.
Frequently asked questions
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Simple, personal gestures tend to mean the most: lighting a candle, setting a place at the table, cooking their recipe, sharing stories, hanging a memory ornament, or giving to a cause they loved in their name.
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You can include a brief memorial moment in the ceremony, reserve a seat with their photo, carry something of theirs in your bouquet or pocket, use a song they loved, or weave their words into your vows. Your officiant can help you choose what feels right.
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It doesn't have to. A short, warm acknowledgment, usually under a minute, tends to feel comforting rather than heavy. Guests who are missing the same person often appreciate it deeply.
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Yes. Grief can change what you need from year to year. Skipping, changing, or creating new traditions are all healthy ways to take care of yourself.
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Yes. Life-Cycle Celebrants are trained to create personalized ceremonies for many life events, including memorials and celebrations of life.
Jennie Landau is a Wedding Officiant, Certified Life-Cycle Celebrant®, and Florida Notary Public based in Orlando. Through FreeBird Ceremonies, she creates personal, inclusive ceremonies for couples and families across Central Florida.